Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So Long, Sarah!

In a place with as much talent on the roster as Marketing Messages, there will inevitably be some turnover. This week, we lose Sarah Colvin.

(If I had said, "...there will inevitably be some turnovers", then we'd be discussing Sarah Lee. We aren't, though, and it's a shame, too, because then I could break out my collection of baking puns.

Oh, what the heck.

I used to be a pilot in a bakery. I'd take the bread from one corner and pilot in another. I quit that job, because I got sick of the dough. I decided to loaf for a few months. It was a half-baked idea. As cash became scarce, I became crusty. Donut always seem to go you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone? Ah, I've always been a gluten for punishment...

I went to a bar and got pie-eyed. Since I was short-stacked, how did I buy the rye? The money was stollen. I lifted a guy's roll. I know it was wrong, but I kneaded it.

I saw a tart at the end of the bar. Nice buns. I suggested we go back to my place and get frosted.

Her eyes glazed. She said, "You're the batarde who robbed my brother Pita! The yeast you could do is not cause us more pain! Anyway, I know you batter your wife!"

I was going to give her a pizza my mind, but she was right. I was a crumb. I decided I'd be leaven her alone. Maybe later, after she cooled off, I'd send her some flours.

And so on.)

Anyway, we're losing our Sarah. Not completely - she'll still be doing voice work for us - but her presence in the office will be sorely missed.

When she came to us, she had previously been a newswriter/reporter and morning anchor for Ocean 104.7 on Cape Cod. Now, she's leaving us to become News Director for all four stations that Cape Cod Broadcasting operates. It's something of a dream gig for her, and nobody here would begrudge her the opportunity to pursue such a plum.

(Oh, hell, we'd all sabotage it in a minute, if we knew she wouldn't find out and it meant she'd be staying with us.)

Her main on-air job will be morning drive news anchor on 99.9 WQRC, with live news on the half-hour from 5:30 until 9. The other stations involved, aside from the previously-mentioned Ocean 104.7, are:

Cape Country 104 (actually, 103.9, but that's the way they are in radio - slimy liars! Are you sure you don't want to stay here, Sarah? We'll always tell you the truth...)

WFCC Classical 107.5 (What's Beethoven got that we don't? Dan and Rich will take on Beethoven and Brahms, in a tag-team match, any day of the week! And I guarantee they would never Bach down! We know how to conduct ourselves. We would hardly quaver at the thought of the entire staff waltzing down there and kicking bass! Well, okay, that last one doesn't really work, but I was going for baroque.)

Sarah is intelligent, good-looking, a hard worker, and - most important - utterly unembarrassable. I think Hutch and I will miss her the most. This is because we could be filthy old men in her presence and she wouldn't bat an eye. As a matter of fact, she joined in, more often than not. Got to love that in a woman. Got to love that in anybody.

Friday is her last day with us. I don't know if I can Handel it. I'll probably go get blintzed.


  1. "blintzed"?
    Nah! - go get Listz! (as in cockney Brahms and Listz)...
    Hope she is happy wherever she goes.

  2. Thanks, Jim. This really means a lot. I've had so much fun working with all of you and will miss you all!!

  3. Sounds like Sarah is a well-bread young lady. I hope you can find a suitable replacement, but you can't get somethin' for muffin.

  4. Wow, those puns came at me so fast I'm quite dizzy. 'gluten for punishment' and 'the money was stollen' have got to be the best.

    Hope Sarah has a great future.

  5. So many puns I can't think straight, must have been a groan a minute working with you Jim.

  6. I'm sorry. All these puns left my mind half-baked. I'll just say, "Good Luck, Sarah!" and leave it at that.

  7. well, you've risen to the occasion in commemorating such a cupcake. best wishes, sarah.

  8. This makes me wish I were still working back at my favorite employer's (in D.C.) simply for the punny humor. I miss that -a lot!

  9. You MUST send a copy of this to Vinny.

  10. stop with the baking puns I can only cram so many in my mouth at once- the best sARAH fUNNY WHEN SOMEONE MOVES ON, WE ARE HAPPY FOR THEM BUT SO MISS THEIR PHYSICALITY .SK


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